Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this boner is exhausting
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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