My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
