nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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