You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
