someone get that fucking seahorse.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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