I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
