i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
