yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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