Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
