That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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