I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
