And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
