i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize