she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
