The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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