If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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