Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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