who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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