you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
