I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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