just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
