rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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