It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
