Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
