Are we in a gay sports bar?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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