I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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