Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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