I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
