Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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