Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
