maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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