using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
