This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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