i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
