she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
