I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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