You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
