Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
