9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
