oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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