sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the day after is always just damage control
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
