Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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