Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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