You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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