genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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