just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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