He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize