i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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