i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
