I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
