The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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