He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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