Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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