I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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