How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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