Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
