Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize