I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
