Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
