so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
