Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
