If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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