It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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