I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
