Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize