And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
