Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
